Jack Bauer ain't got shit on me.

Just giving you guys and insight into the 24 hours of my so called inconsequential life so I can bore you with the mundane. 

So I awake to two vibrations on my phone alarm once at 7:30am again, think about her for 2 seconds before telling myself to stop giving a fuck about her. Then I chuck on some clothes, take a piss and head on down to begin the day. Once I’m in the kitchen I brew up a tea, grab two biscuits and a few tablets and scoff them down my gullet while watching ever more depressing news stories, just waiting to brighten up my day even more. Before heading up stairs for a grooming & hygiene session (yeah it takes some effort to look like I don’t, not much granted but some). After that I whack on some shoes, head out the door and get in the car and sit in the early morning traffic.

Roughly 8:10am I arrive at my desk in silence and then I will usually proceed to spend the next 20 minutes on my own sorting shit out for the day ahead in silence also. Afterwards everyone else turns up and things get better and time starts to fly until 10:30am, when thoughts of her remerge in my head, then the battle to try and distract myself truly begins.  This is a battle that I frequently loose and a war that sees no sign of end or victory. Slowly approaching comes the first respite of the day.

At lunch I head on out on my own into the dilapidated ghost town that is Bracknell Town Centre, a more depressing sight there is not. As I meander my way through snotty nosed brats and single mums past boarded up shops, my mind starts start to embitter and I start to envy any sense of affection shown in public. I then feel my choler rise as pensioners shuffle ever more slowly beneath my feet as I rush to get a sandwich I’ve tasted too many times before. Subsequently I start queuing for the only working self service checkout (which barely works) before heading back through the unwashed masses, to sit at my desk, read the daily news stories, while eating some of my lunch before proceeding to chucking the rest in the bin, then popping a few more pills before getting back to work.

The time is now 1:45pm and the workload starts to dry up, so I head on down stairs to stand around doing work on my lonesome, exchanging the occasional “hello’s” and “how are you’s” to acquaintances & colleagues. All the while the battle raging in my head has started over again and it looks like I’m loosing again. Then as the day closes the banter picks up and respite is gained once gain. At 4:57pm i hit the shut down button and pack up for the day, proceeding to get back in the car and head to Sainsbury’s grab a few bits for dinner and head on home.

Finally I’m home! It’s all of wanted all day.... or is it?

I subsequently continue to get changed, crank up some music and get the dinner on. Nothing tastes the same as it ever did as I throw the lacklustre mouthfuls down my gullet, with the addition of a few more pills (because I haven’t had enough already today). Now the time has come to check out the day’s events online and what’s this? Nothing has happened again. At about 8:00pm I break out a few push ups and sit ups before heading out in the cold & wet night to run for 3-5miles, past places that hold too many memories of past lives, which only end up distracting me from the cleanse running used to be on my mind. Once I’m done I return home and carry out the Three S’s (shower, shit, shave. For those who don’t know).  The rest of the evening is then spent catching up on the TV I’ve missed in the previous days.

Now we’re into the endgame. Still awake? Thought not. I did say it would be very boring and I’m hoping it didn’t disappoint. The time is now 10:30 and I make the slow climb up the hill to Bedfordshire (not literally of course). Read a chapter of the latest book, before turning of the lights and lying in the dark fighting the final battle of the day, before a combination of the pills kicking in and the last of my energy running out, I fade into the black and await the next day to begin.

So there you have it a day in the inconsequential life of Jon in 800 words. Yeah it is actually 800 words including these words here, great isn’t it?

“Nothings all better, okay? Nothing ever gets better!”

- The Butterfly Effect

I'm So Sick..

Not really a proper post but today isnt going well and its something I feel needs to be said.

I'm Sick of this now, I'm Sick of these anxiety attacks, I'm Sick of this feeling loneliness & finally I'm Sick of nothing ever getting any better.

That is all!

**Normal posting will begin again shortly**

What Faith Can Do

This post will be a little deeper than the normal shit that I've been pumping out recently, trying to make  the blog a bit more high brow (who am I kidding?!) so hopefully you’ll enjoy this more intellectual post.

I have always been an atheist; I have never seen any evidence for the existence of any deity, if truth be told I've seen more reasons the non-existence of a so called “god”. Don’t get me wrong I can see the benefits and power that faith and belief can bring to people and I do believe that every human should have faith in something. But Deities just don’t do it for me. I have been open in the past (and I guess I’m still open to the idea of religion to this day). I have tried, in previous periods of depression and stress to turn to faiths including having opened a bible in search of some form of help or wisdom enclosed within. So why am I mentioning this now you maybe be wondering.

In the last few months I have spent many hours alone with music becoming the only thing to accompany me through these lonely periods in my life. I have noticed that within my listening habits have changed with a certain genre leaping to the fore, Christian Rock. Bands such as Kutless, Flyleaf & Our Lady Peace, jumping high up into my most listened to list. So how does music from religious types and religious subjects speaks to someone who is not a believer? Honestly I haven’t a clue... maybe it’s something to do with my openness to experiences or maybe a part of me subconsciously wishing to believe. Personally I think it maybe something to do more with the subject matter, that’s speaking to me. Subject matter based in hardship and persecution mixed with love which will always be reciprocated, which to me sounds mightily familiar to my current situation and the ultimate goal in life. Whatever truth behind it, it seems to be working, or at least in my view.

Maybe these will be my first baby steps into the world of religion  but on the other hand maybe not, maybe all I need is a little more faith in myself and my actions, only time will tell.

The Futures Bright..

.... the futures ... blue?

I've previously mentioned that I have many projects going on lately, these are thing that have built of over the last few years because I've been too focused trying to make relationships work when now with hindsight I should of given up on a while ago. Below is a summary of the biggest of these projects: 

A long time ago in a galaxy not so far away years ago in my so called "emo" years, I decided to redecorate my room it the most hideous shade of hot pink and black and have always regretted the pure crappiness of the paint job and the girly demeanour of my man cave. Well not anymore! In the past few weeks I have research and thought deeply on the subject on interior design and came up with what will eventually become my new room. Today the first step was taken with the first paint hitting the walls, Striking Cyan. Yes my room is turning into a modernist high contrast blue room and if that lingo confused you... frankly I don't care. I hoping that painting and all the associated stuff with re-designing a room such as furniture and art work will occupy me through the dark and miserable months of this winter.

My second project is.... myself. Yes I’m going to finish what I started three years ago. Now that I’m single once again its full steam ahead to re-invent myself by getting rid of all my old clothes, some which are over 8-9 years old (yeah I haven't grown much). As well as getting myself into a good standard of physical fitness. To help me achieve this I have been increasing my running distances and adding in more workouts every week. The only problem is that I have been getting fatigued lately due to a lack of protein into my system. Some of you may know that I have a mild lactose intolerance, which I am completely ignoring, supplementing my diet with large amounts of milk in the form of banana milkshakes, white hot chocolate & milky tees. This is helping me do more running each week as I dash to the shitters. But as they say "no pain, no gain". 

Finally I vowed that my new year’s resolution (2013), would be to take a bigger role in my life to help others, but I've decided that I shouldn't wait and should just get on with it now. I already volunteer for Berkshire Search & Rescue, so I hope to take on a closer relationship with the team. Step 1. is to create this year’s Christmas cards (yeah not really helping, but it’s a start). Using my "talent" for drawing cartoons I aim to caricature so of the more notable members of the group. But in all serious I’m vowing to spend more time fundraising, training and ultimately attending call-outs then ever before.

There you have it my three biggest projects for the time being, I will update you on my progress at the end of the year, so look forward to seeing the results then.

Watch this space!

***I've added a list of blog that i'm currently or am anticipating writing in a few months***

Back to blogger

Having used tumblr for sometime now, I have found it to not be as user friendly compared to other micro blogging websites such as blogger. So I've decided to transfer all my content back over to my original blog so now you can get all my content in one place, for your ease and mine.

So update your links and bookmarks!

“Concern should drive us into action and not into a depression. No man is free who cannot control himself.”

—	Pythagoras

I’m struggling on the old updates at the moment due to a mix between generally feeling increasingly shit and try to do too much all the time (got such a backlog of projects). Just be patient with me I’ve got several posts in draft which are almost finished so when I get the time I’ll whack them up.

Hello Ladies!

This is gonna be a bit of a odd post, but it comes out of a conversation on the subject a few weeks ago with a mate in the pub. Mixed with my lack of luck with the ladies recently i started to think about my view on the fairer sex and now that's done and I've had a good old think and here I present you with.... My 3 Weird Crushes!

1. Victoria Coren.

Pros:- Smart, Domineering & Open Minded

Cons:- Engaged to David Mitchell (not really a con)

2. Sarah Millcan

Pros:- Blonde, Busty & Hilariously Funny.

Cons:- Geordie Accent, Geordie accent & you guessed it... Geodie Accent

3. Melissa Rauch

Pros:- Tiny, Busty

Cons:- A Voice on Helium & A chin that could sink ships.

Clearly I'm a stereotypical male who thinks with his penis and have a thing for busty blondes .... and I've always thought that I preferred brunettes and redheads. Anyways that was an a weird and possibly unnecessary insight into the inter workings on my mind.

So Until Next Time!